


Mr. Monk and The Dream

by cueonego



Category: Monk (TV)
Genre: Eventual Sex, M/M, Masturbation, Wet Dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:41:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25604479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cueonego/pseuds/cueonego
Summary: Monk has a wet dream, and it leads to something he'd never imagine himself doing.There might be inconsistencies in terms of canon timeline and details, but hey creative license amirite. Think of it being somewhere between Leland separating with his ex and meeting Linda.
Relationships: Adrian Monk/Leland Stottlemeyer
Comments: 10
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ....sorry this fic was supposed to be single chapter fic but somehow it became a slowburn-ish fic, dunno what happened there. This fic is full of cliches and overused tropes, but enjoy!

"I really don't think that's a good idea." Monk stared at Natalie with pleading eyes, hoping she would change her mind.

They were staking out on a suspect in a serial killing case which had been dragging on for months, with no solid leads. The best they could do was to wait until the prime suspect made a mistake that can be tied back to him.

Monk didn't enjoy being a part of hard-core cases like this one. However, at this point of the investigation, the stakeouts had been uneventful, which is why the captain felt safe enough to ask Monk and Natalie to take a shift and give the guys from the task force a day off. Monk agreed to the stakeout, as long as it meant sitting in a car and watching the subject, and none of what was being asked of him right now.

"He's gonna go into that alley, and we can't see him from the car, Mr. Monk. Don't you think we should follow?" Natalie reasoned.

"Ehh... I don't think so," Monk squeaked.

"Oh come on, Mr. Monk!" 

"What if he sees us? We might be endangering ourselves by following a serial killer into a dark alley!"

"We'll just make sure he doesn't see us. Come on, I'm getting out."

Cold air rushed in as Natalie opened the door. People often assumed living in California was all about palm trees and endless sunshine, but where they were, it was all about fog and the damp cold. The constant fog and rain meant the alleys were damp and puddles sat for months, growing god knows what in them.

Natalie fastened her jacket as she walked around to the passenger door.

"Hellooo, Mr. Monk, if we go, we have to go now!"

Staring at Natalie who was impatiently tapping on the window, Monk knew that there was no way he was going to win this argument. He supposed she was right. If this pans out, maybe he'll be closer to cracking this case.

Reluctantly, Monk stepped out of the car and gave the door a gentle push with his elbow. As soon as he was out, he was getting dragged into the alley by his sleeves.

"Okay, I just have to say, this really is a bad idea!" Monk protested for the fifth time.

"Shhh! Mr. Monk, you gotta be quiet! He's gonna see us following him!" Despite her volume, it definitely felt like she was yelling at him. For some reason, Natalie was having a lot of fun with this.

"Okay, okay! Fine!"

Natalie ushered him into the front row seat behind the dumpster to observe. While they were a good distance away, Monk couldn't stop imagining the Captain discovering his lifeless body in the dumpster. Oh God, in the dumpster. He might as well be dead!

That was before he noticed the flies, which were also pretty high up on his list. Apparently, the swarm of flies from the dumpster really wanted to be up all over his face. Monk flailed, stumbled, and God, he just had to kick the empty can on the ground, didn't he.

The suspect, spooked by the sound, stopped in his tracks and started to make his way back towards the dumpster.

"Oh my God, Mr. Monk! He's coming this way," Natalie panicked.

Okay, Monk was ready to run, well, he was really ready to run away from all this trash from the beginning, but Natalie pushed him into the wall and there were her lips, kissing him.

"Uumph!"

The impact knocked the air out of him. He felt Natalie's soft lips caressing his, her hands cradling his jaws and the back of his neck. His body froze, but his eyes were open like those of a deer in the headlights. And Oh God, he ended up locking his eyes with the suspected serial killer he was trying to catch. 

Monk was feeling dizzy -- this was too much for his mind and body to handle. His body decided to take over, but the shot of fear mixed with increasingly deeper kisses meant it was time to reroute more blood away from his brain.

Uh-oh.

Definitely not the response he wanted to be having at this moment, Monk thought. Here he was, about to die at the hands of a serial killer, in a cold and damp alley, but he was having a... response instead of doing anything but that.

What was left of his brain finally figured that he had to stop something, anything. All he could manage was to frantically push Natalie away, which gave enough momentum for her to stumble back into the man in the shadows. Natalie glared at Monk with stern eyes, but turned to face the suspect.

"Oh! Gosh! You almost scared both of us to death! You should stop sneaking up behind people!"

Many years after working at a bar, Natalie was a pro at her drunk girl impersonation. She had seen it all.

"Now, do you mind? I'm trying to get it on and it's a little hard with an audience."

The man gave the two a brief questioning stare, but ultimately decided that they were a convincing pair. With a scoff, he disappeared out of the alley. Natalie's eyes followed him and came back from the edge of the alley.

"Wow, that was so close, Mr. Monk. I'm glad this worked! Now come on, let's head back."

"Uhm-" Monk cleared his throat. That came out more squeaky than he imagined.

"Maybe you can go ahead first. I think I'm going to... stay here for a little bit," said Monk, crouching with his hands resting on his knees, desperately trying to hide the bulge.

"What are you talking about, Mr. Monk? The dumpster is the last place you wanna be near!"

"I just wanted to... Check out the vibe, see what he came for -- you know the thing I do-"

"Mr. Monk, I think this stakeout is a bust! Come on, it's getting colder, and Julie has to get up early tomorrow. Let's get you home, and we can come back tomorrow when it's brighter outside."

Natalie grabbed his arm, but she felt how tense Monk was. More tense than usual. 

"I... just give me a moment."

"Oh God, Mr. Monk, is this because of the kiss? Gosh, I'm so sorry, I just had to think of something fast, I didn't think- Do you need a wipe? Here, lemme get you a wipe."

Natalie started to rummage through her purse, but Monk didn't exactly want the conversation to linger on the subject of the kiss any more than it needed to.

"No, no, it's ok. Let's get back to the car."

"Are you sure? I'm so sorry, Mr. Monk. Here, have the wipe anyways."

Natalie pushed the wipe into his hands. He absentmindedly took the wipe and cleaned his hands before handing it back to her, which Natalie took notice. Mr. Monk was not alright as he claimed to be.

They made their way back to the car in silence, with Monk fidgeting and pulling down on his jacket more than usual. Natalie pulled on the seat belt, but stopped midway to think of something to say. She had to deal with this like an adult. She did kiss her boss, not just any boss, but a boss who was afraid of everything. The cooties in her mouth was probably sending him over the edge. She mustered up the courage to turn and face the passenger seat.

"Look, Mr. Monk, again, I'm so sorry. It probably made you feel very uncomfortable."

Monk stayed quiet, his eyes fixated on his hands folded neatly over his seatbelt. She figured she wouldn't be getting a response any time soon, so she turned back and finished fastening her buckle. Maybe it was best if they went home in silence.

"Natalie, it's okay..." Monk broke the silence.

"It was uh... it's just that sometimes it happens, and it hasn't happened to me in a long time, well, since Trudy. And even then I didn't really... enjoy it being there."

Natalie thought she understood, that it had been a while since Monk kissed someone. It made sense that he would be so flustered. But the more she heard, the less it made sense to her.

"Mr. Monk, I don't know what you mean by any of that."

Monk gave Natalie a frown and waved his hands around in a vague gesture.

"Mr. Monk, I still don't know what you mean."

"You know! The..."

Another vague circular gesture with a grunt.

"I don't understand what any of that means, Mr. Monk!"

"God, do I have to spell it out for you?"

"If you want me to understand what you mean, yes, Mr. Monk! I have no clue!"

"God!"

Monk looked down at his shoes. He wished he could go back in time and stop himself from bringing it up in the first place. But because he brought it up, he knew Natalie would never let it go. He gave out a big sigh, and muttered under his breath.

"You know, the male.... response."

"The male response?"

"Yes! The male response!"

Natalie sat in silence working through what that could possibly mean, when she realized.

"You mean... you got a boner?"

Monk cringed and covered his face with his hand.

"Okay, maybe we don't use that word."

"The word boner?"

Monk sank into the seat, covering his entire face with his jacket. It seemed to pain him more to hear the word than the fact that he just had one.

"Yes, use the other word, if you must."

"Umm, erection?"

Monk cringed again. Natalie wasn't quite sure what other word there could be that was better.

"Let's just use-"

Monk peeped out of his jacket and gave his vague hand gesture again. Natalie stared at him, dumbfounded, not sure whether she should be flattered or sorry that she's caused the 'gesture'. But she didn't think of him that way at all, and she was pretty sure her boss didn't think of her that way either.

Her stare felt like needles to Monk. Perhaps he should have clarified a few things.

"Okay Natalie, here's the thing. This was not just because of the kiss. It was also because a serial killer was staring down at me at the same time!"

"What?"

"What I'm trying to say is, the fear, surprise, and adrenaline was probably making things worse!"

He was digging the hole deeper and deeper. Natalie gave a long look at Monk, flustered and panicking, and figured she should stop him before he couldn’t get himself out of the ditch he dug.

"Mr. Monk, you know it's a perfectly normal human response, right? You don't have to explain why."

"Yes exactly! Normal human response is far, far away from me, Adrian Monk, the Mr. Normal!"

"I mean, Mr. Monk, how long has it been since you... you know?"

Natalie made the vague gesture at his legs.

"Wha- what? No! God! Let's please just go home!" Monk cried out.

"Okay, okay!"

Natalie pressed on the gas pedal a little bit harder so she was driving at the speed limit. Monk didn't seem to mind the 'reckless' behavior. In fact, Monk was wondering why this car ride was taking so long.

\---

They finally reached his apartment, after what felt like an eternity. 

It didn't sit quite right to send Monk off to his apartment after what happened, but following him up to his apartment didn't feel the right thing to do at this moment either. After a brief deliberation, Natalie carefully opened her mouth.

"Mr. Monk, I think it's really important to address that. You know there are health implications for not... you know, getting it out for a long time?"

"Health implications?"

"Oh, Mr. Monk, come on, you gotta know that there are studies about it! There are correlations to suggest that the risk for prostate cancer goes up, not to mention the bad mood and being tightly wound."

Monk scoffed.

"Oh come on, cancer? That's a little too extreme, isn't it? Now you're just trying to scare me!"

"Hey, there are studies that say that. I'm not joking!"

Cancer? Monk sat in his seat and stared out the window. He was feeling lightheaded again. This was just too much for one night. 

"Okay, maybe we don't talk about the male response anymore. Or ever. Mine or otherwise," he said, defeated.

"Okay, I'm sorry Mr. Monk. That was out of line. I'll see you tomorrow. Good night, Mr. Monk."

Monk nodded and waved at Natalie, but he knew it wasn't going to be a good night at all.


	2. Chapter 2

Monk groggily opened his eyes, and confirmed that he was in his room, in his bed. Monk figured he somehow dozed off after lying wide awake throughout the majority of the night. He shifted his weight to get out of the bed, but he felt something cold and wet along his legs.

Something was wrong. His pajama pants were wet, and the bed underneath him also felt damp. He hurriedly undid his covers only to find out that he had fallen victim to his body's betrayal last night. This was not happening! The kicker was that it was not even a wet dream, because he didn't remember having one! (Not that he would enjoy having one either.)

None of that was of any consequence. He had to get up, and burn his entire bed and pajamas down. Monk carefully got undressed, making sure he didn't get any more of the sticky residue on him than there was already. He then stripped his bed of the sheets, the mattress protector, and the backup protector. It didn't seem like it went down all the way to the backup protector, but he had to be sure. 

Monk thought about tossing them onto the floor and running into the shower first, but he just couldn't let them sit on the floor while he was in the shower. But he couldn't go throw it away first, because that meant he had to get dressed first. And he was not going to get dressed without showering first.

Distressed by the state of his own nakedness, the compromise he came up with was to fold the sheets into neat squares, along with his pajamas and his boxers. He made sure to put the soiled parts to the middle of the bundle. He pulled out an extra-large baggie from the bottom of his drawers (he had one just in case something like this happened), and okay, now all of this can wait for a moment. He had to wash off the sticky residue off of him first before he could continue with this. With a quick assessment in his fear scale, he ranked the sticky nakedness over the bundle of joy in the baggie.

Monk jumped into the shower without waiting for the water to fully warm up. It was that dire. The cold water made him shudder, but it soon warmed up, filling the shower with steam. Standing under the hot streams, he felt his body starting to relax. This was the cleanest place in his home, where he can forget about his troubles.

Monk's mind wandered back to the conversation he had with Natalie the night before. On one hand, she was right. There are serious dangers like this one (He wasn't going to believe the lie about cancer! Even for Natalie that one was too outlandish). But on the other hand, this was the first accident he has had in a long time, and it only happened because of Natalie and the serial killer. After today, it should return back to normal, because it's done, it's out, and it's gone, right? He strongly hoped that was the case. This shouldn't happen again. 

He couldn't get the feeling of the cold sticky mess on his legs even after an hour of scrubbing. It was too dirty to think about what he washed off from his body. Another hour passed as he cleaned the shower.

When he got out, to achieve his single goal of disposing the waste in the middle of his room, he managed to shave off five minutes from the usual time it took him to get dressed. He put on some latex gloves, picked up the package from the ground with his tongs, and shuffled down the hallway from his bedroom so he can dispose of the bundle. Maybe this is what the walk of shame felt like. He's never had to have a walk of shame because he can't sleep over at other people's places, not to mention have a one night stand, but this had to be close to it. 

With the package tucked under his arms, he opened the door only to be surprised by Captain Stottlemeyer, who was facing down with his hand raised up. 

"What are you doing here Captain? Don't you knock?" Monk shrieked.

"Uh,"

The Captain also seemed to be surprised to see the door to have disappeared.

"I was just about to knock. We got a new lead about the case, so I was hoping to brief you about it."

"Um, maybe this is a bad time. Maybe you can come back at a better time, like later?" Monk gulped.

Leland knew that it was never a good time with Monk, and later meant never. With everything on his plate, he was not walking away and finding another time to come back. 

"Nope, I'm coming in now." Leland brushed by Monk as he let himself in, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

In panic, Monk threw the bundle and his gloves out the door before he slammed it shut.

"You know, Natalie told me that the stakeout yesterday didn't go very well," the captain said, turning to meet Monk's eyes.

Monk froze.

"What? What did she say?"

"Uh... that he made you guys out and didn't do what he came to do?" 

Leland raised his eyebrow and studied Monk's face with his piercing blue eyes.

"Oh, oh yeah, that. Yeah, it was all a bust."

He smiled nervously, hoping he would seem normal, whatever that may be, then ushered the captain into the living room. Leland settled down on the couch, tossing the file onto the coffee table.

"Okay, so you were right Monk, the guy you were staking out has something fishy going on. This guy has a lot of properties in town, and while I don't think he's stupid enough to use any of them to commit the crimes, we are working on getting a warrant to check all those places." 

Monk was pacing around the room up and nodding, but whatever the captain was saying was going in through one ear and going out through the other ear. Leland was quick to notice when Monk had something else on his mind, and this was one of those scenarios.

"Look, Monk, what's up? You seem a little distracted. Did something happen during the stakeout?"

Monk froze in the middle of the room. God, did Natalie really tell the captain about yesterday's mishap?

"No! No. Nothing happened despite what she said!"

"Despite what she said?"

"I meant, just like what she said," Monk shook his head fervently.

Leland knew there was more than what met the eye. Monk looked like he didn't get much sleep last night worrying about something.

"Monk, you can tell me, what really happened?"

"It... it's really nothing. The stakeout didn't go as planned because I kicked a can, the guy made us and left, just like Natalie said."

"Uh-huh." said Leland, but he wasn't convinced that was it.

As much as he wanted to pretend that there was nothing wrong, the captain's gaze bore an imaginary hole on Monk's face, which made him fidget more. Maybe he didn't know what exactly happened last night, but he felt the physical compulsion to pull them out of his face. That's how he always got him.

From what he remembered from the limited time he was in locker rooms, guys were always asking each other about advice on these things. Whether it be high school or the academy, it was always the same. He couldn't speak much for college because he never had to take any classes that would require him to be in them, but he deduced that that's what guys do -- ask each other questions about this kinda stuff.

It was actually a very good thing that the captain didn't know about what happened last night. Monk could probably pass this off as a guy-asking-another-guy advice type of thing, and it wouldn't be awkward or weird at all. Monk continued on with determination.

"But, I... need to ask you something."

"O-kay, shoot."

"Um, as.. a male colleague to another male colleague, this is purely... to gather information."

"Is this about the case?"

"Uh, no. But it is a life or death issue."

Leland wasn't quite sure what it was going to be this time, but he figured he'd brace himself for what may come.

"Captain, this is just hypothetical."

"Look, Monk, just tell me what this is about?"

He was 95% sure the captain was a normal man who did all the things that came with being a normal man. But he figured he should err on the side of caution.

"Okay... So, you know how guys do the... thing. I'm not saying you do it at all, just wondering, as a man." 

"What thing?"

Monk turned to the captain, unable to meet his eyes quite yet. He pursed his lips for a good moment before he finally made the decision to say the word.

"Um... masturbation."

Leland wasn't quite sure he heard that right.

"Masturbation?"

"It's okay! I'm not accusing you of... You know. But if you do!"

Okay, thought Leland. He knew something was coming but this was new.

"Look, Monk, uh. There's nothing embarrassing about it. It's, uh, a normal thing that every man does."

"It is?"

"Yes! I'm sure Randy does it too," he added.

Monk seemed to be horrified to learn that information.

"So, you also.... um... How often.... Do you.... You know?"

"Uh, masturbate?"

"....yes."

"Uh, I don't know," the captain frowned. "I don't keep track of it. I don't think anyone really does. Hey, it really depends on..."

All he could muster up was a hand gesture around the room, but all he got was a confused look from Monk.

"Um, you know, depending on how often one feels like it..." He slumped on the couch, crossing his arms as he glared at Monk.

"Oh." 

Leland wasn't quite sure why he was telling his colleague about his masturbatory habits. It's true that he's been masturbating more since Karen left him. He didn't get much sex even when he was still with Karen, but it's different when you're living alone. He'd find himself sitting with a beer in one hand and his dick in the other while watching something as mundane as a nature documentary about migratory birds. It provided him with enough moments of clarity to move on.

He wondered how Monk managed to stay sharp, but remembered this was Monk he was talking about. He's probably reached Nirvana a long time ago, seeing how he doesn't know a thing about the simple pleasures in life. Sensing the increasing look of dread on Monk's face as the silence grew longer, Leland continued.

"I don't even know why you're asking me this, Monk. But sometimes it's not because I feel like it, sometimes it's because I'm bored. It doesn't have to be about coming, it could be absentmindedly messing around with my junk."

Monk gulped. The thought of the captain 'messing around' was making him nervous. And the fact that people just go around touching their junk when they're bored? He decided he was right in not wanting to shake hands with others.

"Look Monk, I'm not gonna explain what masturbating feels like to you. It's different for everyone. You also do not have to masturbate at all if you don't feel the need. I'm also not your sex-ed teacher, so you're gonna have to figure it out on your own, but just remember you can't stress about this or it will make things worse."

Monk looked like he was trying to process all of this new information, but unsuccessfully so.

"Look, uh, I should head out. I'll see you at the precinct," said the Captain, picking up the file. He paused in front of Monk, gave him a pat on the shoulder, and hurriedly slipped out of Monk's apartment.

"Sure Captain," Monk replied with a blank stare, but the captain was already out the door.

Outside the front door, Leland paused to think. Monk looked like he had even more on his mind than before. He was a little bit worried it might send him down a weird spiral, and he had no clue what prompted Monk to ask him about masturbation. But he figured it's best to let it be for now and headed for his car.

The bundle sat out in front of the door until Monk ran out in panic a few moments later.


	3. Chapter 3

It's okay, it was not his first rodeo this time. He carefully got up, quickly got everything stripped from his bed, folded them and packed them into a baggie, and hopped into the shower. It had been a few days since the first accident, and now it was almost a part of his routine to start the day like this.

He recalled, even as a teen, he hadn't ever had any accidents -- he would remember otherwise. This was unnatural and spiraling out of his control. He exhausted all of his backup sheets and protectors -- the bundle on the floor was the last ones he had. He briefly mulled over what Leland told him, but there was no way he could do it for himself! What would he do? Where would he even begin from? Even when Trudy was still with him, they were content with simply being in each other's company. Sure, they might have kissed here and there, but he would feel warm and cozy simply holding Trudy's hands, lying next to her, and gazing into each other's eyes. That was perfect enough for him. Even when he had the male response, it was uncomfortable but manageable -- he always managed to shush it down pretty quickly.

But this was more primal, hungry, and demanding -- words that he would never use to describe himself. What has he become? Why was this happening to him now? Why can't it just go away and leave him be? Feeling the anxiety creep in, he yanked the faucet to the coldest setting. The shock of cold water on his heated body drew a gasp out of him, but his mind seemed to quiet down enough to finish showering.

Natalie dropped by later on that day to drop off the groceries. Monk casually asked her to pick up more bed sheets and mattress protectors, which drew a strange look from her, but she left the house to do so without asking any more questions.

\---

For the next few days, if he ever managed to fall asleep, he would find himself shooting up in the middle of the night in fear, checking over his pants and the sheets. With this method, there was a noticable improvement in keeping the frequency of the accidents down, but the downside was that he was barely sleeping.

It was taking a toll on him.

Monk locked the door behind him as he dragged his feet into his apartment. The captain wanted him to come over to the precinct to go over some more details about the case, and he tried to focus on them as best as he could, but the fatigue was clouding his mind. The captain ordered him to head straight back home and take a nap, realizing Monk was not going to be of any help in his current state. But to Monk, a nap meant he had to take a shower, because he wasn't going to go under the covers until he washed off the street grime off of him first.

Monk collapsed onto the couch, figuring he could sit for a while, until he had the energy to go take a shower. He took his shoes off, stretched back into the couch, and his eyelids were sliding down before he could realize.

\---

Captain Stottlemeyer was a good looking man. He was stronger than him, taller than him, and certainly braver than him. He knew how to flaunt himself, attracting and successfully getting whoever he wanted. He was also a hot headed man, firing up whenever his heart demanded it. All of those qualities were certainly translating into the way he was kissing him, his mouth hot and heavy, his hands grasping firmly around his body.

His moustache was brushing against him as he nuzzled his neck, sending a shiver down his spine. He felt the captain's body press onto his, their limbs tangling together as they stumbled down onto the couch. The couch gave in and slid from the impact, causing the captain to lose his balance and land fully on top of him.

"Is that a yo-yo in your pants...?" Monk peeped his eyes open, genuinely concerned.

Leland chuckled and continued to leave trailing kisses on Monk's shoulder, neck, and up to his jawline until his blue eyes were meeting Monk's, unwavering and hungry for more. Monk couldn't help but respond with his entire body. He was kissing the captain, clutching onto his collars and pulling him even closer.

The captain let out a low growl as he grinded his hips onto Monk's, until the friction was sending pleasant tidal waves throughout his body. He was coming hard, his body arching up as the warmth swallowed him up, pulling him into a bright light.

"Captain..."

Monk opened his eyes, but all he could see was the familiar ceiling.

Oh no.

He found himself crumpled up on the couch, when he realized he was sticky with come. He was too dumbfounded to even get the cleaning supplies. Whatever that was had never happened in real life, not once, and the amount of time he's seen the captain around in his boxers, he had never considered the captain that way. He was also pretty sure the captain was a very straight man. The more puzzling thing was that he had never been touched or kissed that way either; where was his brain getting all this vivid sensory information from?

In disbelief, he drew his fingers to the side of his neck where the captain's mouth was lingering. Even the slightest of the touch sent another shiver down his back. 

He was so screwed.

Maybe it was time to talk to Dr. Kroger. He had to do something before he became truly afaid of going to sleep.

\---

An uncomfortable silence sat in the air. 

"Adrian, do you need more time?"

Monk knew this was his way of gently nudging him to broach the subject. Dr. Kroger always explained that silence doesn't have to be filled and everything should go at a pace he was comfortable with; but thirty minutes had passed since they went over the pleasantries, and he could sense that Dr. Kroger was getting impatient. He had to do something before the hour was over.

"Okay... I think I'm ready," Monk nodded.

"Great! Adrian, tell me what you wanted to talk about today," Dr. Kroger said, his face brightening up a little bit.

Adrian broke his gaze and sank a little bit into the chair.

"So, I have been having... some issues. And I know I have a lot of issues with everything, but this one's different..."

"Could you explain what the issues might be?" replied Dr. Kroger, fixing his glasses.

Monk fidgeted, crooking his neck and shoulders, and pursing his lips. It was uncomfortable, but he knew there was no use tiptoeing around the topic. 

"Well, Dr. Kroger, I don't know how to explain this, but I've been having what you might call... wet dreams," Monk sighed.

Dr. Kroger was taken aback. This was Adrian, who sang musical scores for twenty minutes to avoid talking about his sex life. It must have been pretty serious if he came to talk about this voluntarily.

"Okay, Adrian. First of all, I'm very grateful that you feel comfortable enough to tell me this. Please, do you think you can tell me more about it?" he asked, being careful not to break the tenuous balance that was required when talking to Adrian Monk.

"I don't even think of people that way, but I am having dreams about them! I thought I was pretty sure I don't even like sex! But it's been going on for weeks and weeks, and I just want to sleep in peace, knowing that I will wake up the next morning without a surprise between my legs!" Monk cried out. His face fell into his palms.

"Okay Adrian, this is clearly distressing you, and I understand. It must be scary for you to face something you are not very fond of, and it's happening to you involuntarily."

Monk nodded, his face was still buried in his hands. 

"But Adrian, you have to understand -- dreams are your brain naturally processing information, and there might not be any meaning to it," Dr. Kroger added.

"Your body is allowed to react if the material in the dream is sufficiently arousing enough. Maybe your body is de-stressing for you, and maybe you could try appreciating it instead of rejecting it. You can't control what your body does, and stressing out about it isn't healthy or helpful either."

Monk nodded again. He was right. The more he tried to suppress it the worse it was getting. Monk couldn't help but fidget more.

"Now Adrian, please understand I'm suggesting this because..." Dr. Kroger paused, staring at Monk's contortionist performance.

"Well, perhaps you can try masturbating for a week and see if that makes a difference, Adrian." 

Monk's eyes fluttered open as his head shot up to face Dr Kroger.

"Dr. Kroger, you know I have trouble telling whether people are joking or not, right? I mean, for a week? That's a very, very long time. You could get so much done during that time, not masturbating." Monk rambled, giving out a weak laughter.

"Adrian, I'm being serious. You just have to make sure you are not stressing about it. Think of it as reading a book, listening to music... Something you can do passively without giving your entire attention."

"You know the Captain said the same thing - the part where I'm not supposed to be stressing about it. But the thing is, I can't do things passively. Or not stress about it.. or anything."

"Adrian, you're telling me you've talked to your friends about this, too? That's good!"

"Dr. Kroger, you're skipping over the part where I can't-"

"Adrian, we are almost coming up on time. How about we take this as, let's say it's your homework before next week's session. You can continue to talk to your friends about it, and you might be able to gain some insights that could help you get over the initial hump." 

Monk choked and gave Dr. Kroger a lifeless smile. He knew talking to the Captain about anything sex related again was out of the question. Not after that dream.


	4. Chapter 4

Monk was trying his best to avoid the captain as long as he could. He tried pretending that everything was normal for a few days, but every time Leland brushed by, gave him a tap on his shoulder, or looked at him and smiled -- which he does a lot --images from his dream came back flooding and he couldn't help but shudder trying to control his biology. He could feel Leland staring at him when he excused himself into a far corner of the room, but Randy was there to dismiss it to Monk being Monk. Thank God for Randy.

\---

It was during lunch time when Leland started noticing how Monk was acting around him. He took a bite out of his apple, and paused as he noticed Monk sitting across him, 90 degrees, hands balled up to a fist laying on his thighs. As their gaze met, his mouth turned up to a wide smile, a Monk signature, but the frown on his eyebrows made him look like he was about to puke. He was practically vibrating in his seat. Sure, that man was always uncomfortable, but jeez, he was making him uncomfortable too. He wasn't whining about anything in particular either, so Leland was lost on this one.

He forcefully gulped down the apple, and raised an eyebrow at Monk.

"Oh, gosh, look at the time. I have to go... to this thing. Can't miss it... the thing," Monk stuttered, standing awkwardly in a half crouch as he gestured towards the door.

"Sure, Monk. Go get some rest, you look like you need some." Leland waved Monk off, but he couldn't help but wonder.

\---

Later, Natalie dropped Monk off with Julie, and before she left to take care of errands, she told him that he was in charge of babysitting Julie. Usually he would be against being left with a child to his care, but it was good this time, because the last thing he wanted was to be left alone with his thoughts -- unruly, naughty thoughts about the captain. What better way to steer his mind away from them other than spending time with a small child?

Monk plopped himself down at the dining table, exhausted. He had a lot on his mind -- mostly about the minute details about his interactions with Leland today -- but he wasn't about to show it to the world.

Julie sat across Monk, with her homework open, but she couldn't help but notice Monk staring into the wall. She knew that he did that a lot, but it didn't mean that she should ignore it. Julie knew she better talk to him before he went down in a spiral.

"What's up, Mr. Monk?"

"Nothing. Just thinking about... things," Monk answered, dismissively.

"What things?" Julie asked.

"It's... adult things. You wouldn't understand."

"You mean like taxes and bills?" Julie asked, with an earnest face of a child. Monk thought of changing the topic of the conversation when Julie started giggling.

"Come on, Mr. Monk. I'm fourteen. I know what adult stuff means." Julie said, with a shrug. Scribbling down at her homework with her pencil, Julie continued without missing a beat.

"So, who's the girl?"

"What? No! There is no girl."

"Then why are you so anxious about this ‘adult’ stuff?"

"I'm not anxious about anything! And there are no girls in the vicinity of me, ever! Or... At least they are unaware of it,” added Monk.

"Ooh, so you have a crush then," teased Julie.

"No, I don't! I... That's it! You're getting grounded! Go to your room and do your homework!" Monk said. He knew when he was being teased, but this time he was an adult who could do something about it.

"Mr. Monk, you're not my dad, and I don't have a room here. Besides, I'm also the one that's babysitting you." Julie giggled again.

"You're right." Monk sighed, knowing when to give up.

But Monk wasn't quite sure what he was feeling was a crush. Sure, his heart did beat faster whenever the captain walked into the room and his entire mind was occupied by the thought of the captain. But it was different from when he first saw Trudy, the love of his life. She made him feel happy and safe, and she brought out the best in him. With the captain, he was bringing out something he'd rather not talk about.

"I have a friend who was really into this boy for a whole semester, but then she spent two days doing a science project with him and she doesn't have a crush on him anymore." Julie picked up the silence.

"Really?"

"Yeah Mr. Monk. Crushes can go away as fast as they come. I've seen plenty of them go that way."

Monk nodded. Julie had proven to be surprisingly knowledgeable about human nature for a child, and he truly hoped that she was right this time too.

Later when Natalie came to pick up Julie, Julie gave him a knowing nudge before they left for their home. 

\--

The next day, Monk managed to get himself up before there was an accident. He checked under the covers in relief, only to find his pajama pants tenting, almost comically so. He plopped his bead back down onto the pillow and stared at the ceiling. It was time for a shower.

Monk hopped into the cold shower, hoping the shock will make his erection go away. However, this one was a persistent one. He clenched his eyes and gently pushed it down with the tip of his finger, but as soon as he let go, it bobbed back up, slapping him on his lower stomach.

Monk groaned out of exasperation. Perhaps it was best to shower on, and maybe it would go down by the time he was done. Some might say new experiences help you grow, but he was perfectly fine and safe within his boundaries. He had never explored his body before, so why should he now? Dr. Kroger said this was just a bodily function, and he was right. It didn't have to rule him, as long as he didn't let it. 

He was so very wrong. 

He moved onto cleaning the shower. But the awkward bulge between his legs was getting in the way of crouching down and scrubbing the drains. This wasn't going to work. Reluctantly, Monk stood up and looked up to the ceiling.

He briefly considered getting out of the shower and going back to bed, letting his body take care of it while he was unconscious and unaware. But who was he kidding, he couldn't keep on asking Natalie to buy him sheets, and she kept on buying the ones that were too scratchy.

Letting out a big sigh, he gently held his erection. It twitched briefly under his touch, which surprised Monk, but it didn't feel as weird as he thought it would be. It was firm, yet soft. He found that sliding the extra skin over the head generated an unfamiliar but pleasant sensation.

"Oh," Monk gasped.

He knew what he was doing was vulgar and almost degrading, but he couldn't help but continue to glide his hand over his erection. It was strange, really. He wouldn't say it was earth-shattering, but he actually didn't hate it either. It was actually very strange that he couldn't stop it -- almost like a compulsion. Soon his breath was getting heavier, and his spare hand reached out to the wall for support. 

As he became more focused on the task at hand, his mind couldn't stop conflating his touches to the captain's thrusts, drops of water rolling down his neck with the nuzzles. He felt the slick at the tip of his member, mixing and spreading with the water falling from the showers.

He was aching. For the kisses on his body, for the exploring hands, and for the weight of the captain on top of him. He felt his stomach tighten, and the surprise let a throaty gasp escape out of his mouth. The urgency of the pleasures, despite his aversion, was making his hands move faster and faster at an irregular but a steady rhythm.

The pleasures were building up fast, and just when he thought things can't get any better, he was feeling yet another wave of warmth, spreading from his groin.

"Oh- oh God, Captain-"

His body was contracting involuntarily, stomach tightening and his breath quivering. As much as he didn't like losing control of himself and his surroundings, this time he couldn't feel any better. Soon he felt the release washing over him, the warm liquid on his hands and the sound of the shower fading away.

When he came to, most of the gooey stuff was washed off from his hands. He felt the remaining slick mess between his fingers, but his body was gently humming with pleasure. This was new, a moment of peace where he didn't have a worry in his mind, content at existing at this moment. Even so, he couldn’t stop feeling like he had committed a crime. Not only masturbating, but also imagining about the captain while masturbating was bad enough, but he still felt the need to be near the captain, see him, and be touched by him. This was no ordinary crush. He must be going mad.

—

Natalie came to his apartment as soon as he came out of the shower after cleaning himself and the entire bathroom. 

“Hey, Mr. Monk. Isn’t this is pretty late even for your standards?”

“Late?”

“Well, we all know you shower for hours, but you got out later than usual today.”

“I... just had to clean the bathroom thoroughly,” said Monk, flustered.

“Hmm, then I guess that’s why you’re so flushed. The hot water and all.”

Shame was a powerful emotion he was used to, but this was worse. For the first time he knew what Natalie was hinting at, and it was awful. And Natalie being Natalie, she was not letting it go.

“So, who is she?”

“What? No, not you too!”

“Oh come on, Julie told me yesterday that you might have a crush on someone. Now I’m invested too, Mr. Monk.”

“Like I told her, I don’t have a crush! Or a girl!”

“So, have you told her yet?”

“Told who what?” Monk refuted.

“Mr. Monk, you should shoot your shot! You’ll never know if she likes you back if you never ask her!”

“Natalie, I’m not asking anyone anything,” Monk said firmly.

“Suit yourself, Mr. Monk. But you’re gonna wish you did when she ends up with someone else.”

“I...” hesitated Monk. Part of him wanted to tell him, just like Natalie said, but he wasn’t sure how he could bring this up to the captain in a normal conversation. 

"I mean, what would I even say?" continued Monk.

"Oh, Mr. Monk, just be honest and tell her that you like her, and that you're interested in hanging out with her! Tell her and show her how you feel, and I’m sure the rest will follow." Natalie gave him an encouraging rub on the back. 

"I don't know about this, Natalie."

"Okay, well, you've been cooking a lot with Kevin Dorfman, so maybe you can invite her over for dinner with some fancy bread and wine!"

The mention of Kevin startled him for a moment. He was just thinking that this was an impossible task, but he also remembered that he had just masturbated today, which he also thought was impossible.

"Natalie, I don't drink," said Monk weakly as a last attempt of a protest.

"I know. For some people it might give them a little bit of courage, but I know you shouldn't. A little first hand experience here," said Natalie with a cheeky smile.

"Right."

"So, you don't have to drink! You can offer her some if she wants, and if not you can both have water or something else. Really, Mr. Monk. It's not that complicated."

"But what kind of wine do people drink? I only know one kind..."

Monk didn't have to say more for Natalie to understand what he meant.

"I know, Mr. Monk. Don't worry, I'll go get you some."

"Now? But, why?" 

"Because! I want you to be happy Mr. Monk!"

Monk seemed genuinely confused that she would do such a thing for him. But Natalie cared for his well-being and if she had to play the matchmaker to get him laid, she was all for it. 

"Okay, I'm gonna go get some now! You still have time to call her for dinner tonight!" yelled Natalie as she sprinted towards the front door. She was unstoppable.

He didn't know if the captain liked wine, but Monk remembered what the captain had said at the Christmas party a few years ago -- that he didn't like port.

Monk ran after Natalie, who was already halfway out the door.

"Natalie!"

"You can't stop me now, Mr. Monk! Call her!"

"No, Natalie, that's not what I was gonna say."

"Okay, then what?"

"Can you get something that's not port?"

Natalie looked at him strangely as she did when he asked for more sheets, but she gave him a nod left the building with a mission.


	5. Chapter 5

The loud buzzing on the side table woke Leland up. He palmed around for his cell and and saw the flashing number through his half opened eyes.

Monk was calling him. At 3am.

It would be perfectly normal to ignore it, say that he was asleep, and call him back tomorrow morning to find out what he wanted to talk about. But Leland had known Monk for years, and he knew that Monk only stayed up this late if he had another fixation or something bad happened. What was he doing this time staying up this late?

"Was'up Monk? D'you know what time it is?" Leland sighed, as he rubbed his hand on his temples.

"Whoo!!! Captain, so good to hear your voice!"

Leland tore the phone away from his ear, but Monk's voice was still loud and clear over the receiver.

"Captain! Captain!" Monk yelled out between his breaths.

"Monk, for gods sake, are you okay?" Leland asked, as he shot up from his bed.

"Oh yeah, Captain, I'm like, chill, you know? Oh, but that reminds me! You should totally come over! I'll have drinks ready and, and, oh! I have bread! I'll be waiting for ya!" 

And before he could say anything back, Monk hung up. Leland stared at his phone again. Monk could be having a meltdown, a crisis, or was being held hostage and talking in codes. As a friend, he owed it to the man to at least check it out.

With a big sigh, he started getting dressed.

\---

When he arrived at the building, he saw that all the parking spaces had been filled up. Darn San Francisco. He looked up to see that Monk's unit was brightly lit amongst the rows of dark windows. He turned the corner to loop around the building, but to his dismay, the only area that was free was in front of a mailbox, clearly marked with a red line. As he was about to make his second loop, he heard Monk's voice from above.

"Captain!!!" hollered Monk, as he was hanging halfway sprawled out his window. 

"Monk! What are you doing? You're scared of heights! Get back inside!"

"Captain! You gotta come up!"

“Okay, okay! I’m coming!”

Okay, screw this. Monk was going to fall out if he went around the block again. Leland tightened his grip on the steering wheel and pulled his car into the red zone. He paused briefly before leaving the car; as the police chief, he couldn't be seen picking his car up from the impound lot. But nobody was getting their mail delivered at 3 AM, so really, the City should let people park here past the 9-5 hours. After a short deliberation, he slammed a note about police emergency on the dashboard and bolted up to Monk's apartment.

"Monk! If you can hear me, open up," Leland barked while banging on the door.

He heard someone stomping and stumbling towards the front door, which opened to reveal Monk leaning against the doorframe.

"Ohhh Captain… You're here!! It's you!! You have no idea how glad I am." Monk slurred with a silly grin on his face and his eyes half closed.

"Monk, are you ok?" Leland crooked his eyebrows. 

"Ohh nooothing's wrong, everything is great, I'm soo glad you're here."

Monk giggled as he collapsed into Leland's arm, warmth radiating through the embrace. Leland stood silently, unsure of what to do with Monk sinking into his arms, but eventually he let Monk put his entire weight on him.

Gazing up to Leland with unfocused eyes, Monk cupped Leland's face. Monk's mouth parted, as if he wanted to say something, but his lips came back together into a grin. They were so close to each other that Leland could smell the wine he had been drinking. 

"Uh, Monk... Have you been drinking?" Leland tapped on Monk's cheeks. The cold fingers drew a sharp breath out of Monk, who apparently dozed off for the second time. All of this at the front door.

"Mmmh…"

Monk was more than tipsy. This man could not hold his liquor to save his life.

"Okay, Monk. Let's get you to the couch," Leland said as he pulled Monk up to his shoulders. He gave the door a gentle push with his back as they stumbled into the apartment. A quick glance to the kitchen showed a bottle on the kitchen counter, precariously placed, but empty. When they made it to the living room, Monk collapsed onto the couch, pulling Leland down with him.

"This is soo much fun, cap'n. We sh-hd do it more often! Do you want some too? I also have bread." Monk slurred, pulling out a piece of bread from his pocket.

Leland stared at Monk's face, but decided it was best not to ask.

"No, Monk. It's okay -- I drove here," said Leland, taking the bread pieces out of his hands and placing them on the table. "So, what's the occasion?" Leland pointed at the bottle with his chin.

"Ohh, it's just... I needed to become brave before I could talk to you.." Monk said, as he slid down the sofa.

"About what, Monk?" Leland asked, but Monk was lightly snoring, almost purring as his head settled onto Leland's lap. Maybe he shouldn't wake him up, seeing how peaceful he seemed, but he couldn't let Monk sleep on his lap the entire night. He gave Monk a gentle shake on his shoulder.

Monk shook his eyes open.

"Oh wow, Captain, you're here! Or am I still dreaming?"

"Nope, I'm still very much here, Monk." 

"Captain, d'you know you're in my dreams?" Monk reached out and poked the captain's nose with his index finger.

Funny, without his inhibitions, this man was a touchy drunk. There were many times Leland wished Monk would just take a hug, a high five, or even a pat on the back without tensing up and panicking. But he cared about Monk, and that came with respecting his boundaries, so he never pushed it any further than that.

"Captain, we were making out... and you were touching me and it all felt very nice. Groovy. Oh, I tried my best, but I can’t seem to get it out of my head," said Monk with his index finger enunciating each word.

"Uuuh," Leland blurted out, not knowing what to say back to Monk. But Monk seemed like he knew what to do. Silently, he propped himself up and straddled the captain, facing him and cradling his neck with his both hands. Monk's eyes met with the captain’s briefly, but tore away just as fast.

"Captain, I need to..." without finishing his sentence, Monk leaned in, and he was kissing the captain; a little hesitant in the beginning, but firm and sweet, tasting like wine. Leland sat motionless, unsure of how to respond, whether he should let his friend make this mistake, but with a warm body straddling him and kissing him, he couldn't help but shift in his seat. 

Monk felt the captain's movements and responded to it by moaning into the captains mouth and grinding his hips back.

"Monk," mumbled Leland, clearing his throat, "I don't-"

Monk backed up, but remained close enough for Leland to feel his breath quivering and his body still radiating with heat. After a long silence, Monk responded.

"No, you're right. I don't even have protection. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Uh- Protection? No, uhm, what I meant was we shouldn't be doing this. Not while you're drunk." 

"Captain, I've been trying to stop thinking about this, but I can't."

"Monk..."

"Do you- do you promise we will do this again? When I'm sober tomorrow?"

“I-“

Monk slid down, his face on Leland’s neck, cuddling him as if he was afraid to let go.

"Captain, please don't pretend to forget about it tomorrow. Promise me?" pleaded Monk, his breath tickling his neck. And God, with each word Leland had to draw a deep breath to stop himself from making a bigger mistake.

"I... Sure, Monk. I promise."

But there was no reply at all. Leland sat in silence, listening to Monk breathe, feeling his chest rising and falling against him in a pleasant rhythm.

The city was surprisingly quiet at this time of the night. The open window Monk was hanging off of was letting in cool air, but Leland’s mind was the opposite of calm. He could get up and leave now since Monk seemed to be asleep for good this time. He could also pretend that this never happened, because with Monk’s track record with alcohol, he would probably not remember any of this tomorrow morning.

But on the off chance that Monk remembered, he wondered if Monk would be disappointed that he left without a word, that he didn’t keep the promise he made. Monk probably knew that he wouldn’t remember, and maybe that’s why he made him promise. But what would the promise entail? Would he be ruining the friendship they have if he followed through with the promise?

All he knew for now was he had to get out from under Monk. He needed some fresh air. Carefully, he leaned down sideways to let Monk be on his side and tucked his arms and legs onto the couch. He got up and adjusted his jeans once more and untucked his shirt to cover up the bulge before grabbing a blanket for Monk.

He supposed, despite his reservations, he should at least come back in the morning to check up on Monk. Hangover was a bitch and you should never go through it alone. He grabbed Monk’s spare set of keys, dimmed the lights, and paused in front of Monk, who was still rosy with the alcohol flush.

He gave Monk a pat on his head, and made his way out the apartment. Outside the apartment, he leaned against the front door, letting out a big sigh, like a teenager who successfully snuck out of the house past curfew. Doorways were a liminal space, and crossing the threshold left him with a strange feeling.

Whatever he just went through played over in his head, like a strange old movie he just finished watching, each line delivered and enunciated clearly then engraved in his mind. The sensation and feelings were still haunting him, warm breath and sweet smell of wine circling around him, grazing him, and drawing him in.

After a moment of trance, he shook the feeing off, slapped his face a couple of times before making his way downstairs.


	6. Chapter 6

He was glad that his car wasn't towed away. 

When he came home after a drive that felt longer than it should have been, he locked the door behind him and tossed his jacket over the chair. He says home, but really, he was living at a motel after he had to pack his stuff out of his old house. There was always some sort of smell that he couldn't get rid of, but it didn't bother him as much. This was just a place to sleep and shower.

He hauled himself to the bed, leaving a trail of clothes behind him on the floor. He sat on the creaky bed with just his undershirt and boxers. His body felt tired, but he wasn't feeling sleepy after all that had happened.

It was true that he hadn’t been with anyone recently, but he wasn’t sure what to make of his arousal. Monk was a good friend of his, and they had been through a lot together. But Monk simply being on top of him and kissing him shouldn’t have made him horny like a teenager. When he said that he loved that man, it was because he thought Monk had died. He recanted that statement as soon as he heard that Monk was alive. All of that was just good old figure of speech. 

But he also knew, despite Monk being skittish and hunched over most of the time, that Monk was physically fit and strong. The sight of him in his uniform days was definitely a spectacle, the stiff fabric hitting him in all the right places. Combined with his intelligence, some might even find him attractive; Trudy definitely did. But he was neither Trudy nor a woman. He himself might consider going for an occasional leggy blonde, but the prospect of a relationship and the aftermath of it was a good enough deterrent for him. God, it really had been that long.

Perhaps Monk was simply being drunk, nothing serious. He remembered last time Monk was drunk off of his ass was at that winery. He was exactly like today -- hyper and excited to see him, dozing in and out of consciousness, being very touchy, and he even came close to kissing Leland. And Oh God, everything finally clicked together in Leland's head that he couldn't believe it took him this long.

He rubbed his face until it became red. He checked the clock and knew he should at least get some sleep if he were to check up on Monk in the morning. But memories of Monk was still fresh in his mind, so he wasn't going to be able to do so any time soon.

At this point, he figured he's jerked off over weirder things before, that he needed to get it out before he could sleep. But God, he couldn't quite take this as his routine jerk off session. It was different, almost embarrassing that he was jerking off over someone that wasn't an unnamed dusty blonde in a magazine. Should he feel remorse that he's doing this? Maybe, but it was getting late and he couldn't care anymore. He closed his eyes shut, gave a few hard, quick strokes just so he could get it out of his system.

With a grunt he came, and he quickly cleaned himself in the bathroom and flushed the toilet. The mirror over the sink showed his face and neck, flushed red. What a sight. After a few splashes of water on his face, he dried himself off and headed straight back to bed, somewhat relaxed from the post-orgasm haze.

The morning alarm woke him a few hours later, and he knew what he had to do.

\---

It was already noon when Monk regained his consciousness. He found himself sprawled on the couch, blanket kicked down onto the floor, his head throbbing and mouth dry, but thankfully, it didn't seem like he had another accident. He pushed himself out of the couch and dragged his feet into the kitchen; he had to drink some water before he could do anything.

"Good morning, Monk." 

Monk screamed.

"Captain, what are you doing here?!"

"Here, take this." Leland handed him a glass of water and a tablet wrapped in foil packaging. Monk stared back at the captain in disbelief.

"It's aspirin. It'll make you feel better."

Still glaring at the intrusion with tired eyes, Monk tossed the pill into his mouth and washed it down with the entire glass of water. 

"What are you doing here, Captain?" Monk asked again, as he went over to the kitchen to get more water. He needed to get at least five more glasses.

"You called me last night, Monk. You were saying I had to come over," Leland said, leaning over the kitchen wall with his arms crossed.

"I... I did?"

Monk rubbed his face. He vaguely had the recollection of hollering at the captain through his window, and the captain coming into his apartment. But there was nothing afterwards.

Crap.

“Um, so, did you, did I- did you stay over here the entire night?”

“No, Monk. I just came back a few hours ago.” Leland said, tossing the spare set of keys back to Monk. Without any warning, Monk couldn’t do much other than watch the keyring fly towards him, hit him in the chest, and fall down onto the ground. 

He bent down to pick up the set of keys, but God, his head was throbbing.

“I’ll... pick that up later. So, why did I call you?" 

"Um, I don't know, Monk,” said Leland with a shrug.

"I didn't say anything when you came over?"

"Well, uh, you did. But you were pretty out of it."

"What… exactly did I say?" Monk's hands were frantically clenching and unclenching beside his body, eyes fixed firmly at the captain, but not quite meeting his eyes.

"Uhhh..." Leland, also uncomfortable, could only dart his eyes around the room.

"Captain, I think you should tell me if I made a fool of myself! What did I do?"

"Okay, Monk, relax! You just told me about some stuff... About your dreams." Leland added, reluctantly.

Monk's face went pale. Maybe it wasn't that specific dream, maybe he told him about that one time he dreamt that Randy had really long toenails poking out of the sandals. Maybe it was the one about captain’s mustache coming into life as a spider. 

"Um, I told you about my dreams?" Monk gulped.

"Yeah, you did."

"Okay... was it about your moustache turning into spiders?" Monk said, cringing. He knew that wasn't it.

"What? No! It was about us making out!" Leland blurted, stroking his moustache to soothe it. Soon, his eyes widened as he realized the mistake he had made. 

Monk groaned as he banged his head against the counter.

"It's okay, Monk. You were really out of it, I'm sure we all dream of something weird, like, like..."

Leland tried to think of something, anything, but he couldn't conjure up anything embarrassing enough to ameliorate the situation.

"What I'm trying to say is, it's okay, Monk. It's just a dream, right?"

"It's not just a dream!" 

Monk's head fell in defeat and embarrassment.

"Monk, I know this why you've been acting so weird around me lately! And all those weird questions?"

"Me? Noooo... Nah, I don't know what you're talking about! I'm not being weird and we're always chummy... chums, pals, best buds" Monk said, giving Leland's shoulders a light fist bump.

Leland flashed a brief smile. He's known this man for many years, and after all those years he hadn't changed a bit; he was a terrible liar, and he made sure to let everyone know about it.

Leland closed the distance between them, and in turn Monk took a step back and braced himself against the kitchen counter. He looked up at the captain with a pathetic attempt of a smile. Monk knew whatever was going to happen was bad, or very bad. There were myriads of examples that showed Leland wasn't into kissing men. For instance, Leland was married to a woman at one point. He also was good at flirting with women he deemed attractive. He liked watching women's sports, not for the sport, if he understood correctly. As far as he was concerned, Leland was a very straight man.

"Captain, I can explai-"

"I think it's very flattering."

"Wha-" Monk blinked in silence.

"Trust me, I've had a long time to think about it since you sprung all that onto me last night."

"I- I sprung onto you last night?"

“Uh,” said Leland, gulping at last night's memory, "no, but I guess you did that too.”

Monk’s eyes widened.

“I can’t- I can’t believe I did that! God! Why did I think drinking was a good idea? Why did I even drink? Why-“

“Monk-” Leland interjected, trying to stop Monk from spiraling.

“God, I can’t believe- I can’t-“

“Monk!” Leland said, grabbing onto Monk’s shoulders. Monk snapped out of his haze and looked at the captain, his eyes almost afraid.

"Monk, what I'm trying to say is, you made me promise last night, not to pretend I don't remember."

"...Promise?"

"Yes. So, I am going to keep it."

Before Monk could understand what he meant, Leland leaned in and gave Monk a firm kiss. Monk felt his body freeze up, unsure of whether he was still dreaming, but with each kiss he figured it didn’t matter, because he wanted this since he had the first dream. He felt dizzy and weak with the sudden rush of blood, knees almost buckling. What was left of his rational mind was telling him to stop, but his body was reacting to it as Leland’s kisses went on and on.

"C- captain," said Monk, his frantic hands pawing at Leland's arms.

"Shit, sorry Monk. I can stop. I'm sorry I assumed things,” said Leland, his breath heavy and shaking, afraid that he might have fucked things up for good.

"No, Captain, it's not that. I just need to..." Monk said with a pant.

And Monk lurched in, holding onto the captain by his collars. Each kiss was punctuated by moans, unlike those he fakes when he pretends to enjoy food he doesn't like, but a whimper marking his desperate needs. It was as good as he imagined, maybe even better.

They thought they didn't hear it right when the front door unlocked.

"Mr. Monk, I have the groceries here, can you come help?" Natalie yelled across the hall.

"Erm," said Leland, letting go of his grasp on Monk. He quickly smoothed over his shirt collar and fixed Monk's shirt, then popped his head out of the kitchen.

"Huh, Captain, what are you doing here?" said Natalie, noticing that Leland was in his polos and jeans. Not an official visit.

"Err, Monk called me over. Uh, he thought he saw a rat."

"A rat? Why didn't he call me?"

"Uh, he told me to bring a gun, which I obviously didn't."

"Well, Mr. Monk, you should definitely get it checked out by an exterminator. There's never just one rat."

"Uh-huh," nodded Monk stiffly, also out of the kitchen.

"Although, I find it hard to believe that there's a rat in your apartment, Mr. Monk." Natalie smirked.

Both men briefly exchanged glances, one in panic and the other in almost in a breakdown.

"What do you mean?" said Leland, trying to keep his composure.

"Well, you know. This place is probably cleaner than a hospital surgery." 

"Oh, ha, yeah, that." said Leland with one hand on his hips, the other smoothing over his mustache. Monk chimed in.

"Yeah, I don't think there's a rat either. You know, I've been pretty tired lately, so I'm thinking I probably imagined it."

"Yeah, maybe. So?" said Natalie, clapping her hands together.

"Huh?"

"The groceries aren't gonna move themselves, guys, come on! Help me out for once."

In silence, Natalie and Leland carried the groceries, while Monk tagged along in the back. When they arrived in the kitchen, Natalie noticed the empty bottle on the counter and a basket of bread on the table. Oh, this was good.

"So, how was your dinner date, Mr. Monk?"

Leland glared at Monk. That was supposed to be a date?

Monk was frantically looking for a cover story, but damn, Leland was right.

"...The rats ruined it."

"Yep, which is exactly why I'm here."

He could feel Natalie scanning at the both of them with a hint of suspicion, but she deemed it somewhat satisfactory for the moment.

"Okay... well, I gotta go get Julie from her friend's."

"I'm gonna stick around just to make sure the rats are not here." Leland responded quickly, a little too quickly. Natalie narrowed her eyes, but turned to Monk.

"Okay, sure. You're gonna be okay, right, Mr. Monk?"

"Yes, I'll be alright. Go get Julie."

Natalie kept looking back as she went to the door, but eventually she was gone. As soon as Monk heard the door click, he turned to the captain.

"A rat?"

"Well, I had to think of something!"

"A rat? Great. Now I have to call the pest control!"

"Monk, I just made that up, why are you- should I even ask why?"

Without saying a word, Monk disappeared into the other room.

"Where are you going?" 

Then he saw Monk grab the yellow pages, and he knew that there was no way he was getting laid today.

Leland sat on the couch grumpily waiting for Monk to finish his calls, but by the 10th exterminator, Leland grabbed his jacket and left the apartment frustrated, in all sorts of meaning of the word.


	7. Chapter 7

Weeks and multiple pest control companies have passed, and Leland was growing more and more frustrated.

At work, he couldn't help but steal glances of Monk, his hands, his lips, his ass, and it was really making him feel like a pervert. He exchanged a few glances with Monk, but he acted as if nothing happened between them, which made him start to question his sanity.

Later he heard from Natalie that Monk's date was her idea, and that she just wanted to get him laid. What she didn't know was that the date was for him, and Monk drank the entire bottle then passed out on him. So to sum it up, it was a pretty lousy first date.

He was getting irrationally angry that he's been teased and turned on, but never got the release he wanted. Masturbating was masturbating, and sex was sex.

He tightly gripped the yo-yo in his pocket and angrily flicked it across the air. The amount of time he's yo-yo'd this past few weeks, he was actually getting good at it. Randy thought it was so cool that he could walk the dog with the yo-yo, but it just went to show how many times he thought about the kisses, the whimpers, and the touches. It was driving him crazy.

After sitting away at his desk, boiling, for an entire workday, he decided that he had to air it out. And before he knew, he was already at Monk's apartment knocking at the door. 

The door creaked open, revealing only a sliver of Monk's eyes.

"Hello... Captain."

"Can I come in?"

"Well, it's a little late."

"That never stopped you from calling me before." Leland snapped. He knew Monk was going to come up with a lousy excuse to avoid having this conversation, but he wasn't going to fall for it. 

"That's unfair."

"Fine, but you agree that we need to talk. Don't I at least deserve to do it face to face?" 

God, it was hurting his pride, begging for Monk to open the door like an ex-boyfriend who wouldn't accept a 'no' for an answer. But the worse part was having to watch Monk guarded up like a wounded puppy.

"What are we going to do? Pretend that nothing happened for the rest of our life? Monk, we can't do this."

Monk continued to stand still, but deep down he knew that Leland was right. The rats were simply a convenient excuse to delay this conversation, one he hoped to never face again.

"Please."

"Okay, fine."

And the door closed, stranding Leland in the hallway for the longest second before the latch clicked and revealed Monk. He looked somehow worse than before.

"Monk."

"I'm sorry captain, I shouldn't have told you about my dreams, and I shouldn't have touched that wine. I made everything awkward, like I always do."

"God, Monk, would you please stop with that?"

"Captain, please. I know you're not into men, and you probably just kissed me because you thought you had to. Because I made you promise."

"Is- is that what you think? That I kissed you out of pity? What kind of person do you think I am, Monk?"

"You don't have to pretend, captain. I know you've been angry ever since you left the apartment. Now please, I won't tell anyone about it, so can we please drop the subject?"

"So, you think I'm angry because you kissed me. God, Monk, do you think I go around kissing people like this just because I feel sorry for them?"

Leland let out a burst of air, flabbergasted that that's what Monk had been thinking this entire time.

"Monk, I'm not angry. I'm just fucking horny, ever since you left me hanging the other night."

Monk stared at Leland incredulously. 

"What? You are?"

"God, yes. Now Monk, please. Can we stop walking around eggshells now? You didn't do anything wrong."

"You were horny? Because of me?"

"Yes! Please, now can we please go back to normal?"

"No."

"You- what?"

"No, I don't want to go back to normal."

Leland was taken aback, shocked that Monk felt that way. He should have known better than to kiss Monk, his best friend, and now everything was fucked up for good. But before he could say anything back, Monk came rushing towards him, and he was being kissed again. By Monk.

Natalie was always so surprised whenever Monk was able to defend himself, but Leland knew under all that brown Monk wore to conceal, he was a pretty well built man. Heck, he could feel it hot and steady against him, as they came crashing against the wall.

Leland wasn't much of a kisser, but he was finding that kissing Monk felt good, and by the looks of it was having the same effect on Monk too. Maybe that's why he kept the buttons on his shirt done all the way up, seeing how sensitive his neck was. 

"God, Leland, Captain-"

He broke the kiss and searched for Monk's eyes. They were wide and dark with desire. 

"Please tell me you want this, Monk." 

Monk let out a shy whimper as the captain's breath caressed his lips. In that moment, everything he was feeling was amplified. He felt his own pulse throbbing on his neck, ears hot and a warmth stirring up from his groin. Whatever the consequences, he needed the captain to do it again.

Monk gave a small nod, raising his chin and inviting the captain back over. Taking the cue, Leland held Monk's face, leaving wet trails down Monk's jawline and neck. He fumbled with the buttons on Monk's shirt, but there were just too many of those damn buttons, and he wasn't exactly feeling very patient at the given moment. Not with Monk making those soft little needy noises.

Leaving just enough of Monk's chest exposed, he moved onto the belt, hastily undoing it. He paused before reaching into Monk's boxers.

"Leland-" Monk's breath hitched.

"Can I?" 

"For the love of God, yes."

And that was all he needed. Monk's cock was already leaking at the tip. Leland swiped his thumb across the head, and Monk let out a stuttered sigh, as if he's forgotten how to breathe. Monk's head fell back, his breath harsh and irregular as Leland started to tug on his member.

Monk was so very exposed, unlike his usual self -- sweat rolling down his forehead, crumpled shirt haphazardly hanging on him, pants pooling at his ankle, but he didn't have a care in the world. Only thing he could focus on were Leland's hands, which seemed to be everywhere, and his kisses, which were hot and heavy on his neck and shoulders. Monk knew Leland was a naturally touchy person, tousling his hair, giving him pats here and there, but God, this was just so different; it was just like in his dreams. Leland was actually feeling him up, and it make him feel good, and he was aching with desire. He wanted to touch the captain as well.

Leland tugged on his tie with his free hand and chucked it across the room. He didn't really care where it went; it was getting too damn tight around his neck. He also undid his belt and reached for his member, also hard and leaking.

Monk’s kisses were getting sloppier as the pleasures building up was becoming his sole focus. Soon, Monk couldn't even continue kissing, because he needed to breathe, moan, and writhe under his touch. His hands clutched onto Leland's shirt as his head rolled back against the wall. He was close.

"Oh God, Leland, I'm-"

He felt Monk shudder, and and his broken cries were all he could hear. He felt Monk's cock pulse, hot liquid dribbling down his hand and his wrist.

God, he was so close too. And with each stroke he was getting closer and closer to the edge, with each one being more and more intense than the last, until he was also coming.

"Monk, Adrian- God!"

Hard. So hard that his knees were feeling weak. All he could do was to hold onto Monk, hoping he didn't buckle down as well.

They stood tangled together, their breath still ragged and shaky.

\---

When Leland came to, he noticed that both of his hands were sticky, and the floor beneath them was decorated with their come.

"Uhh, look, I'll go get some towels."

Monk nodded with his eyes still closed and brows furrowed, still trying to catch his breath. Leland rolled into the bathroom and saw himself also looking pretty rustled. Shirt untucked, sitting uneven on his shoulders, flush on his cheeks and chest, and lips puffy from kissing.

He hit the faucet and rinsed off his hands, and cleaned himself off with some toilet paper. He grabbed a towel, doused it with warm water and made his way back to Monk, who was standing exactly as he left him before. 

He started cleaning Monk up, who was still quiet with his eyes closed. He was worried for a moment, whether Monk was quiet because he is still catching up, or he was actually in shock. He periodically glanced up at Monk as he tried his best to clean up the floor, but Monk was frozen against the wall. Just as he was about to return to the bathroom, Monk called out for him.

"Captain, don't worry about that. Let's just, let just sit for a second."

Monk finally opened his eyes and reached out for Leland's hands, and both men sank onto the floor against the wall.

"I can handle the rest of it. You know me and cleaning."

Leland chuckled. Boy don't I know it.

"That was fucking good, Monk. I hope it was good for you too."

"Uh-huh."

"I'm glad."

"Me too."

"So, tell me about what I did to you in your dreams."

Monk's stared the captain, his cheeks reddening as if they didn't have sex a moment before. Whatever was in his dreams, this was going to be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes the story! Thanks for reading, and sorry if there were errors here and there. This fic was not beta-d at all...


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